Coming back to the blog...

Well, it's been awhile.  I am going to try and come back with some regular posting.  I am now in my second year of Pediatric residency at Maimonides Medical Center in Brooklyn.  It's been a lot of longggg days (and nights) and a steep learning curve, but I also really love working with children and feel certain that I want to be a general pediatrician which is a fun feeling (doesn't make long days/nights in the NICU as easy since I know I don't want to do them longterm, but that aside!).  The very diverse population here is also great for learning, and being pretty close to family is nice and I get some relatively frequent visits!

I will start with some overall updates, I guess...since I have no idea where to begin...
Running is still happening and is still my go-to escape/stress-relief/fun/motivation and "me" time.  My knees are a little achy lately, so trying to get back to the strength focus and remember to stretch more (man, I'm bad at that)!  No races on the calendar aside from the Turkey Trot in Prospect Park this year.  Was going to do the NYC marathon (I semi-impulsively signed up for the lottery while inspired watching the race last year...and then got an actual entry via the lottery..oh man), but then reality kicked in and some serious anxiety (read: meltdowns) due to my schedule and the long runs being hard to squeeze in but mostly having no recovery and the knee thing creeping in, SO I reluctantly scratched that idea.  For the better though I do think (yes, still hesitating, but I know in my heart it was the right thing).

Yves and I are living in the Sunset Park/Borough Park neighborhood in a one bedroom tiny little place between Chinatown and the Orthodox Jewish communities, which is certainly unique!  We went to Haiti this August for 8 days and saw where he is from and did some other exploring - really special and also so humbling and intense to see the poverty there, which I for some realize didn't realize would be as extreme as it is.  AND THEN - Hurricane Matthew hit Les Cayes and southern Haiti so hard a few weeks ago.  Insane that we were just there and now so much of what we saw is literally ruined.  Really sad.  Yves' family is all okay for the most part- just a lot of damage.  I am so fearful that there will be a lot of public health issues, like more cholera, etc.. so upsetting to think about and the feeling that we can't really do much from here is also so difficult.

I am really hoping to get involved with a clinic there that I read about after coming back from the trip and wanting to open one myself (yes, I know, pipe dreams), but that story is also for another day.

Alright, I think that's the end of today's stream of consciousness.  I have to get to bed - want to run on the track tomorrow in the morning and it's a continuity clinic day, yay :)

October - colorful leaves, crispy fall runs, interview emails?!! and plugging along

Wow.  Time creeps and then it flies at the same time.  It is now fourth year...and I have applied for Pediatric residency programs and am waiting (praying) for something to work out.  I will not know until March if / where I match, but I am hoping for New York.  I had to retake my Step 2 CS exam, so that was a setback (and don't have my retake score until December!), but I am hoping at least a couple programs will still consider me.  I do have 3 interviews in New York lined up in November...fingers crossed.

I am doing a four week elective in Peds outpatient back at Kings County right now, and I just love the cultural diversity there - Caribbean, Indian, Mexican, etc. patients make it so much more interesting.  I also really enjoy getting to know the intricacies of patients' daily lives, and I could see myself happy in Peds primary care, no question.  In fact, I really wish I could just start tomorrow and get all this started! The accumulating debt and constant waiting games are tough.

Brooklyn continues to be a good fit lifestyle-wise.  Meeting more good people and running a lot in Prospect Park and with PPTC.  I don't know what I would do without running - it keeps me sane and connected to nature and reminds me how small I am.  I also have really met some wonderful people through running that 'get me' in a way that medical school friends for the most part have not.  I am really grateful for that.  I also really enjoy being close to my family and just a train ride away.

Counting down the days until I can officially be called Dr. Free!

I cannot believe

It is already March of my third year... Internal Medicine, Sugery done (with a lot of scrapes and bruises along the way), and today was my Pediatrics final oral exam. Shelf exam this Friday. I have to say, the transitions have been rough.  Grenada to Montreal to study for Step 1, then a brief respite in Vermont, Pennsylvania and Connecticut before finding out about my placement at Kings County in Brooklyn.  Finding an apartment and starting the extremely unfamiliar life of a med student doing clinicals all while trying to establish a routine, running life, comfortable home, and sense of well-being. Oh, and study and stay late or be on call whenever told.  Exciting?! Kind of.. Tiring? Totally.  Boring? Never. 

Pediatrics was my 'oh thank God I am where I am supposed to be' moment.  I loved the six weeks I spent at Kings and in the outpatient clinic, and I am really excited to do more electives next year.  I start Ob/Gyn on Monday at Brooklyn Hospital Center, and currently I am most excited about the fact that I can ride my bike there rather than the patient potential, but who knows?  

Overall, I can't complain, but I certainly am looking forward to a little more stability and confidence in medicine- coming soon I hope?!

Oh, and warmer weather would also be amazing!

Ps. Running with the PPTC has been great on Saturday long runs, and I just started the coached speed sessions last night. Prepping for the Brooklyn Half Marathon in May.  

It is the morning

of my last exam in Grenada.

Thought this day might never come (or at least maybe not in the predicted 2 years)...

Like the feeling of Christmas Eve on steroids.

19 Days..

until my last final exam here at SGU in Grenada.

Totally surreal to think about all that has gone on here and how many changes lie ahead.  I am a huge mix of feelings: extremely excited about being back in the states and getting to be with patients in only a few months, nervous about studying and doing well on the boards, sad to leave some really wonderful friends and people who I have connected with in ways that are completely unique, inexplicable and intense due to this common insanity we have experienced together...and unsettled to think about restarting and readjusting once again.  However, I also know that I am ready to stop being a student 24/7.  The shift from studying incessantly to serving others in a more tangible way will be infinitely more fulfilling, of that I am certain.

Time has both flown and crawled, as I've said before.  I don't even think I will really 'get it' for awhile...three weeks. Wow.

Term 5 - the final round in Grenada (fingers crossed..!)

I am back in my room in Lance aux Epines, Grenada, for my fifth term at SGU.  There are 124 days until my final Pharmacology Exam and the end of my 2nd year in med school.

It is amazing to think of all that has transpired already and the crazy time warps that you enter when pursuing such a crazy endeavor.  At the same time the days have felt endless and impossibly speedy, and the ways that my brain has changed and adjusted are crazy to think about.  I have definitely not navigated the whole process with grace the entire time (or ever), but I have definitely come to realize that there are a lot of people, relationships, lessons and experiences that I have been lucky enough to incorporate into my life by being here.

Certainly there have been many times where I've felt crazy, lonely, insecure and exhausted, but there have also been times where I'm just so excited by the information, the comraderie, the gorgeous island environment and the hope for my future career that I get more excited about as the clinical years are closer to my grasp.

My goals for this term (besides doing well academically!), are to stay more present, to try and stop worrying so much about the future, to stay true to myself and what makes me tick without comparing to others, and to work my butt off and just DO things without procrastination and avoidant behaviors!

In the end, this is such a blessing and incredible opportunity and I want to use it to better society and help as many future patients as I can.  It is not going to be easy - but what really is 'easy' that is also worthwhile?  And, at the heart of it, at this point, I do know that I'll make it.  Maybe not with much grace...but I'll get there!

Fourth term begins and Carnival (real and metaphorical?!) ends

The rain is pounding down outside, and I am not sure why I am wide awake.  This week we have had a lighter lecture schedule, and I don't have to be at school until nine...and I went to bed late...why am I up and ready to go at 6am?  Doesn't my body know what's going to happen in the coming weeks? (i.e. my schedule is going to increase in stress-levels and obligations about 100x!).   Sigh.

Last I wrote, I had just finished third term, which already seems like ages ago.  This time last week I was getting ready to the take the final.  One week can seem like a month in this place - for better or worse!  Last weekend was really fun, and everyone spent a lot of time at the beach, and just catching up with friends and sleep and eating normally post-exams.  On my part, I did another hash with some friends, went to a great Sunday morning yoga class at La Luna with my roommates (which is a gorgeous resort on BBC beach), had some nice meals, and got painted and partied until the sun came up on Monday for J'Ouvert.  J'Ouvert is the first day (Jour + Ouvert in French) of Carnival in Grenada, and everyone parades, drunkenly for the most part, around St. George's covered in paint.  There are also the Jab Jab (from the French word for devil, "diable"), who are covered in motor oil and chains and are really intense - I prefer the brightly colored painted people...just saying.  Anyway, I didnt go last year because it was the first day I arrived on the island, so I wanted to make sure and get a true dose of the festivities this time, and my roommates were smart and committed me to buying a ticket early in the day so that I couldn't back out and get sleepy :) which I'm notorious for.  So glad I went though, it was a totally unique experience, and just a ton of fun.   Plus we had Monday off so I could be totally lazy without too much trouble!

This week in class, we have just begun our introductory to Microbiology and CPD, which is a Clinical Skills class.  Pathology starts next Monday.  So far, I do sort of like Micro, but it has been very dependent on the lecturer.  I liked Parasitology a lot, and the initial parts of the course have not been so different, so I like learning about all the bugs and their "techniques" for attack, etc., but I may have a different opinion once the memorizing and amounts of material ramp up.  I guess I need to just take one day at a time, right?  That's what they tell me...

The clinical skills class itself was really boring for the first day, but in our lab, we are put into groups of 6, and we spent this week doing patient histories and interviews with a mock patient.  I thought it was really fun!   It is totally uncomfortable to dress up (we have to be formal anytime we're with patients), and be sweating in Grenada weather (and broken A/C conditions in the exam rooms...), but the actual interactions and talking to patients, real or fake, was a lot of fun.  I was nervous at first, but then remembered as soon as I began my turn with the patient, that interactions are what I love and what I am more natural and excited about getting to do as a physician.  I mean studying and going to lecture is great and all...but I am so much more confident with my people skills than my lecturer-deciphering ones!  It was a good experience, and I think it will be a good addition to this year.

This weekend will be attempts at previewing next week so that I don't drown in anxiety about my new schedule; we have class and lab until 5pm every day and then studying of course until our brains can't process any more.  I also have to get to Hog Island and get some good fresh air while the stress levels are still low.  Oh!  And there is an Orientation Bazaar for all the new kids on Sunday, and I have to go and recruit people for the Orphanage Student Organization.  OSO Beach Days will start next week, and I cannot WAIT to see my favorite kids!

Alright, well maybe I should look at a book or do something productive with my weird overzealous morning energy :) Or maybe reading the information about bacteria will help me get another little bit of sleep before class...!