First term of Med School = Done!

What a whirlwind. To put it mildly.
It seems as if the last five months have both flown and crawled at the same time. So much newness and so much adapting, but also so much "just rightness" as well.

I arrived in St. George's, Grenada on August 6th, and was greeted by a warm, starry night, a VERY small dorm room, and a serving of nutmeg ice cream. Pluses and minuses - ups and downs - the themes that will likely carry me through this challenge that is med school.

Adjustments galore:
New people, new routines, new sounds and smells. In addition to tons of new information to assimilate, new food, new running routes, the tiny (TINY) room for two people who are both very much not in college anymore, no more US cell phone to keep up with friends at home, did I mention tons of new school-related information to wrap my "I've been out of college for 4 years" brain around? Right. That too.

How am I feeling now?
Grateful, amazed, and reflective.

I certainly felt a little isolated and removed from my "real" identity at times, but I can definitely say that I have met some more than incredible people and begun friendships that will be long-lasting due, in part, to our very unique circumstances.

I have met great talking and life-analyzing friends, many of whom I will live with in an amazing, large MANSION on the island when I fly back in a few weeks! I have gained so much new, and exciting, knowledge in a field that I am falling in love with. I have found a running niche, some awesome routes, and energetic, kind and inspiring running friends who have shown me some awesome adventures on the island, including a local half marathon (where I was beaten by a 12 year old girl running barefoot!).

I have learned, YET AGAIN, that we, humans, are quite adaptable and will continue to grow and develop and find bonds and comfort as long as we let ourselves try. I now sit at home in Waterbury for the holidays, in a weird limbo, thinking and talking with Abby about all the changes that make us who we are in life and the common themes that make us who we are. I will never do transitions gracefully, and I will never find saying good-bye easy. I will never "like" change per se, but I will probably always crave it and yearn for newness and excitement. I will always appreciate my home and parents and their thoughts about the world, but I will also always want more and to exceed expectations rather than meet them.

As I walk downstairs to have some dinner with Abby, my Mom and Donald, I know that I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to think about that has changed over the past year. Whenever things get hard, I am going to try and remember some of the things that have gotten me through some tricky spots this past year and in general. First, every day is a new day and time and sleep fix much more than we might predict. Second, as long as we keep trying to change and appreciate the fluidity of life we will feel more peaceful and calm. Along with this, it is important to embrace rather than fight the lack of control that we actually have over our futures and the people around us if we are to really enjoy and experience both in a meaningful way. Also, once again I've learned that sweat, fresh air, dancing and music are essential medicines.

Took a NYTimes quiz...

So now my NYTimes homepage will probably be totally skewed and I'll get lots of advertisements (notice the final line!), BUT I thought this was fun - and maybe explains why I get so antsy when things get overly predictable! According to the "Spirit Quiz"

I'm an (You're an) Adventurous Spirit

You have got a fresh positive attitude to life which means you are naturally drawn to anything that is modern and original. You have strong views and opinions and your adventurous spirit means that you are not afraid to ruffle a few feathers in order to voice them. The way you see it, the more thrills the better. There's only one place to be and that's on the edge of your seat.

You're a fast-mover and feel energized about anything that gets your pulse racing! You're enthusiastic about life and an upbeat spirit who knows how to have fun and tends to value all which is fresh and new in the world. You tire quickly of old conventions and outdated ideas, wishing to experience new methods with youthful innocence and vigor. It's all about big thrills and exciting antics that take you out of your comfort zone. You want to feel connected to the world around you and actively seek out opportunities to get closer to nature. For you, it is all about broadening your horizons and living life to the fullest! Plan your next adventure on nytimes.com/travel.

So I'm In Grenada Living Free of Luxury

That's the pneumonic to remember the Lumbar Plexus...
S = Subcostal N.
I = Iliohypogastric N.
I = Ilioinguinal N.

You get the idea... :)

My brain is chock full of pneumonics these days. Perhaps I should cut back in fact. Nah. Love 'em!

Wow, how life has changed in the past few months. On one hand it's hard to believe that I've only been here for 2 months, and then on the other, it seems like I arrived in Grenada only yesterday.

But, as my first set of grades reveal - midterms were in fact last week (and went okay, thank goodness!). Now, I'm just trying to get back in the "groove" and push on to December.

St. George's is definitely a very unique place. I am overall feeling very "right" about the whole situation, being in medical school and on this path. However, there are definitely some ups and downs emotionally with all the studying, total immersion in a group of brand new people all going for the same thing, having the same exact schedule as me, and living in a dorm room the size of my freshman year room...with a roommate :) Kim is great - but we are too old to live like this!! haha. Goal: stay sane and motivated and laugh off the inconveniences!

The people are great, and really diverse overall, and I'm definitely feeling more connected lately. It took awhile to find people who I could relate to I guess (or maybe I just keep clinging to and wondering about my "old"/"real" friends who seem so far away), but I have a handful of little angels here to keep me sane, smiling, and feel understood. That said, I do really miss my friends at home, and Andrea's wedding this past Saturday, which I couldn't make it to after all made me a little sad...or a lot sad! And other friends are getting engaged, doing all kinds of things back at home, etc. etc. which makes me feel kind of isolated. BUT, the people here are wonderful, and God never gives you more than you can handle, right? I've pushed through hard things before, so why should I doubt that things will be okay now? POSITIVE VIBES!

As for exploring Grenada- there isn't a TON of time to do it, but we went on a great sailboat trip after midterms, and there are some awesome runs and a few hikes that have helped me explore! It truly is paradise on this island, that's for sure. The best run I've done by far is a route to Hog Island - a 10 mile trek that I go on most Sundays with a great group of 5th term guys - all kinds of terrain, plants, gorgeous views, fresh air - awesome. Otherwise, my morning runs are a bit shorter :) and mainly about mental clarity...so I have my routine routes that make me happy and energized for the day! There is a dock on campus too where I can jump in for a quick swim as well...or do yoga with my friend Cyndy...yes, ME, doing YOGA. What?!!! It's been a great way to get the kinks out though. Just gotta keep it up.

The courses are definitely not easy - biochem is really tough for me, anatomy is hard for everyone, but the most exciting/interesting I think, and histology is somewhere in between. The information is not hard, but it's very detailed and staring at slides of cells and memorizing layers gets old after awhile. But alas. Just keep swimming...right Dory?

The beach, Grand Anse, which is a ten minute bus ride from campus is phenomenal. Total paradise. I have been trying to get there at least once/weekend, and there is a group called the Orphanage Student Association that has a Beach Day most Saturdays with the kids, and I LOVE doing that. It's very centering/refreshing to be with the local kids and get some perspective after being in the SGU bubble world / study zone for most of the week. Of course, I do make myself get out of here more than most people since I'm such a squirrely kind of person, but that weekend beach trip with "real" (i.e. non-studying students) people is great for my spirit. I am also really excited to try and get an apartment and move off campus next term...gotta start the search for something good!!

So yeah, things are progressing. I still cannot believe it's October...the weather here is basically always 80 or higher and sunny...NOT complaining, but it's so weird to think about fall and pumpkins, and Halloween and sweaters back home!

Alright, on that note.
I have to get to class.

Send some thoughts my way!!!

- Chloe

I am flying to St. George's tomorrow!!!

"God does not give us overcoming life, he gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength. Are you asking God to give you liberty and joy? He cannot, unless you accept the strain. Immediately you face the strain, you will get the strength." - Kristin Armstrong, "Mile Markers"

I am flying to Grenada tomorrow. at 1pm. from JFK. for medical school.
My bags are packed...
but a little too heavy (Surprise!), so I will need to do some final tweaking in that department.
My brain is swirling. While part of me is in super-nostalgia mode, i.e. "I don't want to leave people, familiar runs/routines/conveniences," I am also very excited and eager for this next chapter to begin. I feel very confident that I want to contribute to this world as a physician. It has taken me awhile to realize this, but I am certain and very excited to begin. The unknown is always intimidating to at least some degree, however, and the long time frame and financially large (ok, huge!) aspects of medical school make me recoil a little. My best cheerleaders are no longer by my side, and I am feeling a little isolated in m house surrounded by my thoughts, ziplock bags full of "necessities" and lists of final "things to do" before things really get in motion tomorrow.

Am I doubting myself? Not in an epic way, as in I don't think this is a "wrong" decision, but I am also certain that the next few weeks will require some effort and patience with transition.
Am I anxious? Totally.
I am just not quite in the "YES LET'S DO THIS!" mindset at the moment. Hopefully that will resurface soon!!

I think I should probably go for a run...move my body and be physical. Yes, that would help. Funny how I know this about myself, yet I want to do the opposite - i.e. be lazy and think about and overanalyze everything and the lack of control I have over the situation! Running will certainly help me gain some perspective, remember all the past adventures/new beginnings/inner strength that comes out when called upon. Prayer and trust. Love and patience. One thing at a time.

Here's to the next steps!!

Chloe

Colorado Rockies relief pitcher, "I believe there is a universal truth to the process of doing things right."

"No matter what it is that we are attempting, there is a certain undeniable purity (or truth) in the way we approach something if our intention is to do our best. Whether it's a marriage, an important relationship, our parenting, our faith, our career, our running, or any passion- we position ourselves differently if we have already decided to give our all."
-Kristin Armstrong

Love this Quote :)

"As I ran this morning I started to see a pattern in my life. As much as I like order and organization, sometimes this inhibits me from making the important changes I need to make. Because you see, some changes require a mandatory period of messiness in order to get to clarity or cleanliness." -Kristin Armstrong

Learning: Space your Babies! Wash your Hands! Protect your Children!

This week there is a Global Child Health Conference at work, and I've been attending some of the lectures. Really interesting stuff - and, of course, totally up my alley :)

The new information, constant images and personal accounts have definitely re-invigorated me and provided inspiration to go out and save the world one child at a time! I cannot wait to be able to do so - med school let me in!! Anyway, definitely a much appreciated break from the usual routine and med school waiting game.

Some of the most interesting lectures I've heard have been about:
1. Birth Spacing
2. Sanitation, Water and Hygiene
3. Child Trafficking

Parasitic infections and gross worm pictures have also been pretty awesome. Well "awesome" for those of us who enjoy that sort of fine line between totally interesting and gross clinical voyeurism :) I digress...

First, Birth Spacing.

Why do we care?

The risk of death from pregnancy and child birth is 1 in 22 in Sub Saharan Africa, and 1 in 75 in Asia. There is a huge disparity between rich versus poor countries. Can you imagine the outcry if those were the stats and risk involved in the US? In addition, if these "poorly-spaced" children do survive, i.e born less than 2 years after their mother had her previous child, there is a much higher risk that the second child will be stunted and underweight (among other problems). The mother has less time to breastfeed and recover herself and often suffers from other health issues.

So why do many mothers (and fathers), particularly in poorer countries, often decide to have or end up having many many children so close together? It's a complex issue to say the least. With so many cultural, religious, and other factors, "family planning" is multifaceted and must be presented and analyzed differently depending on the audience in the particular country. In some countries, where there is much labor to be done, families want more children to tend to that. Families are often uneducated about the risks and benefits of spacing, there are conscious decisions not to use contraception for various religious or cultural reasons, and there is low supply for contraception in many developing countries even if people desire to have it.

Result?

Common Chain of Events: Unmet need for family planning (for the above reasons) --> unwanted pregnancies --> unsafe abortions, fistulas, maternal and child deaths, etc.

However, providing education as well as resources and tools like cycle beads and other options for contraception has led to a lot of progress already. Family planning and fertility awareness-based methods are being taken to many developing countries with promising results. But, there is still a long way to go...

Next - Sanitation, Water and Hygiene!

Favorite Quotes/Excerpts from 127 Hours: Between a Rock and a Hard Place, by Aron Ralston

"Eventually, I sickened of people, myself included, who didn't think enough of themselves to make something of themselves--people who did only what they had to do and never what they could have done. I learned from them the infected loneliness that comes at the end of every misspent day. I knew I could do better."
--Mark Twight, "I Hurt, Therefore I Am"

"I believed in belief, for its own shining sake. To believe in the face of utter hopelessness, every article of evidence ot the contrary, to ignore apparent catastrophe--what other choice was there?...We are so much stronger than we imagine, and belief is one of the most valiant and long-lived human characteristics. To believe, when all along we humans know that nothing can cure the briefness of this life, that there is no remedy for our basic mortality, that is a form of bravery. To continue believing in yourself...believing in whatever I chose to believe in, that was the most important thing..."
--Lance Armstrong, "It's Not About the Bike"

"'It's not what you do but who you are.' I kind of got hung up on that a lot, because I always thought who I was, was very much wrapped up with what I did. That I was happy because of the things that I did that made me happy. If things you do make you happy, then they can also make you unhappy...the pitfall that I have fallen into, of letting my ability to create what I want in my life convince me that 'I am' only insofar as 'I do.' Yes, I am a mountaineer, an engineer, a music enthusiast, an outdoorsman. But I am not only those things; I am also a person who enriches other people's lives, and whose life is enriched by other people when I let them...A lot of really good people have spent a lot of time with me. Very often I would tend to ignore or diminish their presence in seeking the essence of the experience. All that's to say, I'm figuring some things out...The memories evoking the most gratitude for my life are of times with my family and friends. I am beginning to understand the priceless nature of their company..."
--Aron Ralston, 127 Hours

"People say that we're searching for the meaning of life. I don't think that's it at all. I think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane, will have resonances within our innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive."
--Joseph Campbell, "The Power of Myth"
"...our purpose as spiritual beings is to follow our bliss, seek our passions, and live our lives as inspirations to each other. Everything else flows from that. When we find inspiration, we need to take action for ourselves and for our communities."
--Aron Ralston, 127 Hours