The midterm is over. The anxiety is gone. The eyelids are
drooping - and I'm not trying to coax them open with tea, chocolate, walking
around with my notes rather than sitting, or blasting music in my iPod. Release.
It is amazing to observe how anxious and stressed you WERE
after a big test is over, especially when you thought you were coping just
fine. Turns out, I was stressed. My huge neck crick when I woke up this
morning (Advil worthy even!) was one sign, but I still thought I was relatively
calm compared to my state before some exams!
However, the zen that comes with the end of the test reminds you how un-zen
you were. Now, I am totally content to
have an empty brain and be as physical as possible for the next three days.
Today I already ran, swam and played tennis with Alex. Wonderful.
My only thoughts were, "Why is Alex kicking my butt right now?" or "Nice
fish." So much better than reading incessant
amounts of Psych disorder criteria, drug mechanisms, and development
stages. Oh yeah, and Biostatistics
running through my dreams. Hopefully tonight I will dream of ANYthing else!
They already posted the grades (yes the test was THIS
morning), and all the studying was worth it.
It's not a given that tons of studying --> passing grades in this
place, so it's nice when it does work out.
Confidence boosts are in small quantities, so I'll take any I can get!
Finally, I like this quote from Kristin Armstrong's blog on
Runnersworld. While I certainly am comfortable now, med school is a lot of
discomfort at times, so I am going to try and take her words to heart,
especially after this weekend of downtime wears off.
She writes, "I want to get more comfortable being
uncomfortable. I want to get more confident being uncertain. I don't want to
shrink back just because something isn't easy. I want to push back, and make
more room in the area between I can't and I can. Maybe that spot is called I
will."
I just love that.
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